Richard Hooks

Kiwi Hooks, better known as Elmer, is the first overseas player ever to play for the legendary K.M.C.C.

A former U9, U11, U13 and U15 Kiwi international hailing from the shire gave it all up when he came upon the finer things in life at the tender age of 15.

On the announcement that Brad wanted to sign an overseas player another emergency meeting of the K.M.C.C. elders was summoned with Judge Pickles again presiding. The matter was discussed long into the night with the application finally being accepted by a count of 8 votes to 7. The legendary N Kirk finally giving way when he realised that Elmer’s parents hailed from Middlesborough.

Signed in the off-season from league minnow’s Ripon on the advice of Goldie he was immediately taken under the wing of coach Gouty.


A man of proven quality with the willow has always looked comfortable at the crease despite few opportunities. However, after a recent conversation with his mum, Brad learned that he actually doesn’t like to bat so immediately relegated him down the order to protect him from the new ball.


Fantastic fielder and a real speedster in the outfield. Makes Goldie look like he’s running in quicksand as he jogs beside him chasing the leather. Let down by soft fingers brought about an un-nerving fondness for washing up.


A genuine fiery left arm fast bowler who will learn much under coach Gout Has a dislike for opening the bowling and likes nothing better than going ‘wabbit hunting’ at the middle and lower order. Regarded purely as a ‘skinny spinner’ by the unimpressed Dujon.


A fantastic first change bowler and an ability to put up with Dujon when he’s pissed. An ability to pull young ladies on a regular basis.


Nicotine and a long suffering lower back problem brought about by working as Goldie’s assistant in the traffic light industry. An inability to say no to any young lady who comes his way.

Marital Status

Has no desire to go down that path while he continues in his current rich vein of form.